Some Assembly Required
by Silvite's Cry
Summary: Congratulations, Customer! You have obtained a high quality unit from our NO MORE HEROES line; please read further for more details on how to fully optimize your new purchase.
1. Travis Touchdown

TRAVIS: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

Congratulations! You are now the owner of a brand-new TRAVIS unit. To get the most use out of your unit, please carefully read the following instructions.

Basic Information

Name: Travis Touchdown (aka Tiger)

Date of Manufacture: Unknown

Place of Manufacture: Ubisoft Inc.; Grasshopper Manufacturers

Height: Tall (6'0")

Weight: 170 lbs.

Your TRAVIS unit comes with the following accessories:

1 Red HOT Jacket

1 Bizarre Jelly T-Shirt (Limited Edition: Orchid)

1 Pair Tiger510 Jeans

1 Pair VANS (Red/White color)

1 Pair Sunflower-tint glasses

1 Lizard Belt

NOTE: More clothes can be found for your TRAVIS unit through the clothing chain AREA 51.

1 Blood Berry Beam Katana

1 JEANE CAT unit

1 Schpeltiger (vehicle)

1 SHINE Cellular Device (Limited Wii Edition)

Opening Your TRAVIS Unit:

TRAVIS units can be a bit unwieldy in how they behave; the most successful ways to open your TRAVIS unit is to use the JEANE CAT unit (included with your purchase) or the SYLVIA unit (sold separately.)

Programming:

Your TRAVIS unit is programmed to perform any of the following functions:

**Assassin (11th)**: This is your TRAVIS unit's current ranking in the UAA (United Assassins Association.) He looks to be number one, and will hoard money to increase his rank.

**Roommate**: TRAVIS units are very lazy and do not clean up after themselves unless abseloutely necessary. However, he will procure large sums of money and one-of-a-kind decorations for your home/apartment/motel room through his Assassin function.

**Boyfriend**: If a TRAVIS unit has not been in extended contact with a SYLVIA unit or a JEANE (ASSASSIN) unit, it will not object to doing all kinds of dangerous stunts- particularly if it involves sexual activities of any nature afterwards.

Modes:

Your TRAVIS unit comes programmed with the following modes:

Lethargic (default)

Focused

Horny

Remorseful (locked)

OOC (locked)

The default Lethargic mode is different from Horny mode, no matter how similar the two seem. In Horny mode, TRAVIS units are a bit more agreeable and are more likely to do a bit of work, as long as it's in their best interests- or involves free porn.

In Focused mode, TRAVIS units get aggressive towards whoever or whatever activated the mode and, depending on the degree of activation, may or may not beat the aggravator senseless unless the next ranked Assassin class unit is in close proximity, in which he will attempt to defeat the Assassin.

Remorseful mode can only be unlocked by any of the female Assassin class units losing in a fight against your TRAVIS unit (exception being the SPEED BUSTER unit.) In this mode, TRAVIS units will spout philosophical sayings and try to register how he is so unlucky indirectly, and will not respond to any commands or requests until he receives a good night's sleep and time with the JEANE CAT unit. After aforementioned activities your TRAVIS unit will return to normal.

OOC mode can only be unlocked if your TRAVIS unit never interacts with a SYLVIA unit. Put in extended contact with a HENRY unit that is also in OOC mode will eventually activate this mode, and the two will eventually engage in a teenage fangirl's idea of romance.

Relationships With Other Units

**SYLVIA**: Your TRAVIS unit has a deep lust for it, and will do anything that it asks no matter the danger for the ultimate end of getting to sleep with her.

**ASSASSIN UNITS (FEMALE)**: Depending on the age of the FEMALE ASSASSIN Unit, your TRAVIS unit will either hit on it or reject it entirely. Exception is JEANE ASSASSIN unit; see entry for further details.

**ASSASSIN UNITS (MALE)**: Your TRAVIS unit will have philosophical talks with any of the MALE ASSASSIN units, but usually hold them in contempt and fight relentlessly until the MALE ASSASSIN unit is defeated. Exception is HENRY unit; see entry for further details.

**JEANE (CAT)**: Pet to your TRAVIS unit, the two have a very close relationship. Once two are put together, they are pretty much inseparable. Your TRAVIS unit will do anything to make the JEANE CAT unit as happy as possible.

**THUNDER RYU**: This is the TRAVIS unit's master, and will improve your TRAVIS unit's physical conditioning.

**NAOMI**: An intelligent unit able to upgrade your TRAVIS unit's Beam Katanas. Somewhat sassy and holds your TRAVIS unit in contempt due to his liking of anime.

**HENRY**: Your TRAVIS unit's rival; HENRY and TRAVIS units have a mutual understanding of one another but still fight, usually over a SYLVIA unit. Also the only unit able to unlock your TRAVIS unit's OOC mode.

**JEANE (ASSASSIN)**: TRAVIS will be tender and loving with this unit; however, the JEANE unit does not like to socialize with your TRAVIS unit.

Cleaning:

Your TRAVIS unit is fully capable of cleaning itself. However, if you are an attractive female, he may try to coax you into bathing/cleaning with him.

Warning: TRAVIS units and its manufacturers are not responsible for any marital disputes caused by bathing a TRAVIS unit.

Feeding and Rest:

TRAVIS units can usually make do with whatever is in your kitchen, but prefer Suplex Pizza above all other types of meal. Be sure your TRAVIS unit consumes a health diet for maximum potential.

Disposal

Should you ever tire of your TRAVIS unit lazing around your house and watching questionable things over the internet/on your television, please return to the original manufacturer.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: When my TRAVIS unit first arrived, he seemed to want to talk about Paradise. Is this normal?

A: Your TRAVIS unit arrives already in Assassin Mode; have him interact with a DEATH METAL unit and he should be normal within twenty minutes.

Q: My TRAVIS unit has left the house and has not returned. Where is he?

A: Your TRAVIS unit is currently on an assassination mission given by the UAA. Wait for a few hours and he will come back with a surplus of money; if he tried to exit your home, do not stop him, as it is in his programming.

Q: My TRAVIS unit came with this small black cylinder, what is it?

A: That small black cylinder is your TRAVIS unit's beam katana, the Blood Berry. The beam katana is not to be used by anyone other than your TRAVIS unit.

Troubleshooting

Problem: After activating Assassin mode, your TRAVIS unit has come back unnaturally serious.

Solution: Your TRAVIS unit is suffering from a programming glitch from Remorseful mode. Comfort him and he will go back to Lethargic mode.

Problem: Your TRAVIS unit is fawning over posters and repeatedly saying "Moe."

Solution: Your TRAVIS unit is in Horny mode; take a picture of him and he will revert to Lethargic mode.

Final Note

With proper guidance and care, your TRAVIS unit should live a healthy number of years. Thank you for purchasing this fine product, and please look into our other NO MORE HEROES units.

* * *

_I'll be doing the major characters and the Assassins; this was WAY more fun that it should have been. Also, this format does not belong to me, it belongs to Theresa Green (I think) and has been used by many more fanfiction writers._

_Read and Review! Let me know you're reading it. :D_


	2. Silvia Christel

SILVIA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

Congratulations! You are now the owner of a brand-new SILVIA unit. To get the most use out of your unit, please carefully read the following instructions.

Basic Information

Name: Silvia Christel

Date of Manufacture: Unknown

Place of Manufacture: Ubisoft Inc.; Grasshopper Manufacturers

Height: Petite (5'4")

Weight: 115 lbs.

Your SILVIA unit comes with the following accessories:

1 Black Suit (Provocative MiniSkirt Edition)

1 Low-Cut Vest (Crème)

1 Pair Lacy Lingerie (Black)

2 Pair Stilettos (Black and Pink)

1 Bikini (Black and White Floral Print)

2 Tube Dress (Black and Pink)

1 Limousine (Vehicle)

1 SHINE Cellular Device (Limited Wii Edition)

Opening Your SILVIA Unit:

SILVIA units are very independent and usually come out of their packaging on their own. If your SILVIA unit does not come out on its own, then persuade it to come out with a HENRY or TRAVIS unit (not included.)

Programming:

Your SILVIA unit is programmed to perform any of the following functions:

**UAA Agent (Con Artist)**: This is your SILVIA unit's presumed occupation. She will procure money through other Assassin units under pretenses of Ranking Fights.

**Roommate**: SILVIA units are very high maintenance and require plenty of room and money to be truly happy. Your SILVIA unit uses a VERY LARGE AMOUNT of your income going abroad or buying needless things.

**Girlfriend**: If a SILVIA unit has not been in extended contact with a TRAVIS unit or a HENRY unit, it will not object to bossing you around and spending everything on itself under the pretense of a relationship. However, the physical aspect of this function is amazing. Use this function sparingly.

Modes:

Your SILVIA unit comes programmed with the following modes:

Provocative (default)

Happy

Angry

Coy (locked)

OOC (locked)

The default Provocative mode is different from Coy mode, no matter how similar the two seem. In Coy mode, SILVIA units are a bit more agreeable and are more likely to agree with what you say. Coy mode can only be unlocked through a successful romantic relationship between any male unit and your SILVIA unit.

In Angry mode, SILVIA units get aggressive towards other male units. She can be quite sarcastic and snarky in this mode, so do your best to avoid this at all times.

OOC mode can only be unlocked if your SILVIA unit never interacts with a HENRY or TRAVIS unit. Put in extended contact with a JEANE (ASSASSIN) unit that is also in OOC mode will eventually activate this mode, and the two will… let's not get into that.

Relationships With Other Units

**TRAVIS**: Your SILVIA unit will constantly tease and seduce this unit as a means of getting free money and attention.

**ASSASSIN UNITS (ALL)**: Will play them off for money or con them into the UAA. Very indifferent towards all units.

**HENRY**: Your SILVIA unit's longtime husband; HENRY will do anything to make sure that his SILVIA unit is happy.

**JEANE (ASSASSIN)**: Only unit able to unlock your SILVIA unit's OOC mode. See OOC mode above for details.

Cleaning:

Your SILVIA unit is fully capable of cleaning itself. However, if you are an attractive male, she may try to coax you into bathing/cleaning with her.

Warning: SILVIA units and its manufacturers are not responsible for any marital disputes caused by bathing a SILVIA unit.

Feeding and Rest:

SILVIA units only consume high-end gourmet foods, if anything at all. Be cautious and hope that you have a deep enough wallet for her needs.

Disposal

Should you ever tire of your SILVIA unit conning people you may know or spending most of your monetary funds, please return to the original manufacturer.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: When my SILVIA unit first arrived, she seemed to want to talk about the UAA. Is this normal?

A: Your SILVIA unit arrives already in UAA Agent Mode; have him interact with a TRAVIS unit and he should be normal within twenty minutes.

Q: My SILVIA unit has left the house and has not returned. Where is she?

A: Your SILVIA unit is currently on a shopping trip, overbroad, or overseeing a rankings fight. She will come back once her business is finished.

Troubleshooting

Problem: After activating Coy mode, my SILVIA is possessive and jealous.

Solution: Your SILVIA unit is suffering from a programming glitch from Coy mode. Reset your SILVIA unit immediately.

Final Note

With proper guidance and care, your SILIVA unit should live a healthy number of years. Thank you for purchasing this fine product, and please look into our other NO MORE HEROES units.


End file.
